Not averse to some verse? Here are a couple of poems about cocktails featured in COCKTAILS & KICKTAILS by Hugh Stewart.

Pampered Goose (from Cocktails & Kicktails by Hugh Stewart)

Pampered Goose was so named because it rhymed with the French word for grapefruit “Pamplemousse”.  It also rhymes with ‘Spruce Goose’, the name of Howard Hughes’ vast 8-engined flying boat (more accurately slightly-flying since it only flew once) that was the forerunner of the Hercules.  Go to to learn more about the Spruce Goose and for a link to a video of its flying with Hughes at the controls.

Grapefruit is a great cocktail ingredient because it has an edgy bite to it. Get red ones if you can – your Pampered Goose will be a gorgeous colour. The Cointreau and the crème de fraise (or framboise) counteract the edginess in a hedonistic dynamic tension aided and abetted by a good slug of Prosecco.  But don’t give it to anyone taking statins: the combo of grapefruit and statins can lead to confusion and memory loss. Sounds like a standard cocktail effect!

This is a long cocktail – long-legged, long-necked even, like the Big Bopper’s girl.

There is something about Pampered Goose
You’ll float high in the sky in one hike
Long-necked like a goose you’ll feel loose
“Oooh Baby, that is what I like”

There is something about Pampered Goose
A prosecco-propelled effervescence
Take ripe pamplemousse
Add Cointreau to spruce
The effect is unbridled quintessence.

Lovely Rita (from Cocktails & Kicktails by Hugh Stewart)

No pretence here.  This is a Margarita with a fancy name.  The Margarita has to be one of the world’s great cocktails so I wouldn’t dare try to improve it.

Can you imagine a traffic warden (or Civil Enforcement Officer as they are now called) with a Lovely Rita in her hand? That would certainly enforce some civil behaviour!

An old chum, Stevie, and I spent a miserable 24 hours sailing in horrid conditions from Milford Haven to Carmarthen.  Poor Stevie succumbed to seasickness almost immediately but stoically stood his watches and celebrated his arrival, having chucked up for a day, by downing two large Ritas and smoking a cigarette.

There are many different stories about the invention of the Margarita: who, where, when, why. Most of them involve Mexico or Mexicans and in quite a few a beautiful girl called Margarita.  That’s good enough for me.  Remember, if you go to Mexico, that “x” is pronounced “h” and follow Mae West’s advice: “travel to Mehico in a tahicab”.

One word on the glasses.  Some people like the rims to be coated with salt; I don’t and know others who don’t, so do ask beforehand.  For those that do, run a wedge of lime round the rim of the glass and then dip it into some salt. Or just salt half the rim.

There is something about Lovely Rita
She’s Mehico’s sehiest show
The drink that’s as fast as a cheetah
It’ll make you get up and go !

There is something about Lovely Rita
With her notes of mile high agave
While chilled Triple Sec
Will thrill an Aztec
And kick off a Mehican Wavee.

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